20 Movies You Probably Could Have Rented at Rose Video (if it really existed)

Schitt's Creek is one of my favourite TV shows so I was sad to learn that its 6th season would be the final one, in 2020. It isn't because it was cancelled. It's only because the show's creators decided to end it on their own terms, the way they saw fit. As much as I'd like to see a couple more seasons, I respect the decision they've made.

In case you don't know, Schitt's Creek is a comedy series that depicts the riches-to-rags story of the Rose family, whose amassed fortune has been embezzled by a crooked business manager, who also neglected to pay their taxes. As a result, the government seizes all but one of their assets and they are evicted from their mansion. The lone, worthless asset that the Roses are allowed to keep is a town called Schitt's Creek, which the family's patriarch (Johnny, played by Eugene Levy) bought for his son David (Dan Levy) years earlier, as a joke.




The Roses are left with no alternative but to move to Schitt's Creek, residing in the small town's small, dingy motel, until they can get back on their feet. This includes matriarch Moira (Catherine O'Hara) and daughter Alexis (Annie Murphy). This has been worked out with the town's mayor, Roland Schitt (Chris Elliott) whose great-grandfather Horace Schitt founded the town.

I've been a fan of this show ever since it premiered on CBC in 2015. In fact, I was a fan even before then, when I heard the premise of the show being pitched by Dan and Eugene Levy in the months leading up to the TV series. I was sold when I found out that the senior Levy, O'Hara and Elliott would be part of the cast. Little did I know that I would come to love Dan, Annie Murphy, and Emily Hampshire just as much, all of whom were not familiar to me. Not only is the show funny with clever writing and superb acting, all of the characters are well defined with interesting trajectories.

For years, I was convinced that I was the only one watching the show. I didn't know anyone personally who watched it and nobody ever talked about it on social media. Then around the time that season 3 came out, I began to notice the show finally getting some buzz. This is probably due to it being made available for streaming on Netflix in 2017. Now it seems you can't scroll through your Twitter feed without a GIF of Schitt's Creek appearing every ten tweets.


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The topper was that in its fifth season, Schitt's Creek was nominated for four Emmy Awards, including Best Comedy Series, Best Comedy Actor (Eugene Levy) and Best Comedy Actress (Catherine O'Hara). Unfortunately it did not win in any category but hopefully it has set the table for next year after season 6 has shown.

You may wonder why I'm writing about this on a blog about B-movies. Well, there is a somewhat relevant connection.

The Roses wealth was the result of a successful chain of video stores owned by Johnny, appropriately called Rose Video. It was second only to Blockbuster at the time of operation.

This got me thinking about what kind of videos one might have been able to rent at Rose Video, had it actually existed. Naturally, I would have headed straight to the horror section to see what selection of B-movie titles they had on their shelves. Then, another thought occurred to me.

What if the B-movies at Rose Video only starred the actors from Schitt's Creek?

Here then are twenty B-movies, real or not, that I like to think I would have rented with my Rose Video membership card.

20 Movies Starring Schitt's Creek Actors (Real or Not)

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1. Cannibal Girls (1973)

Starring Eugene Levy along with his and Catherine O'Hara's future SCTV co-star, Andrea Martin.

You might have a hard time recognizing Eugene under all that hair, which is far different than his perfectly-coifed mane in Schitt's Creek. See if you can spot him in the trailer or this short teaser. At one point in the film, Eugene and Andrea's characters stay at a motel not unlike the Rosebud Motel. This was director Ivan Reitman's second feature film. He would go on to direct the blockbuster, Ghostbusters. I've watched Cannibal Girls three times. It's an enjoyable low-budget horror movie with some elements of humour, much of which is improvised dialogue from Levy and Martin. Filmed in Beaverton, Ontario.

Watch the full movie on YouTube.

2. The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening 

Starring Catherine O'Hara
 
When season 5 of Schitt's Creek opens, we see that Moira Rose (Catherine O'Hara) is in Bosnia, shooting the third movie in The Crows Have Eyes horror franchise. Her role is that of ornithologist Dr. Clara Mandrake, who eventually becomes half woman, half crow.

This is exactly the type of  B-movie I would expect to see back in the day of video stores. I can remember browsing the horror section of stores and renting movies based solely on the VHS cover. This GIF is the animated equivalent of one of those covers. It's both cawful and cawesome!

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3. The House of Cats

Starring Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy and rest of SCTV cast

One of SCTV's hilarious spoofs of bad 3D movies which was part of its Monster Chiller Horror Theater show that was hosted by Count Floyd (Joe Flaherty), who always tried to gouge viewers  by selling them over-priced 3D glasses.

Catherine plays one of Dr. Tongue's unsuspecting victims and morphs into the first syllable of her name. Eugene plays Bruno, Dr. Tongue's, bumbling, hunchbacked henchman.

4. Whispers of the Wolf 

Starring Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy and the rest of the SCTV cast

SCTV's spoof of a weird and depressing, Swedish horror film. Even Count Floyd has to admit that it's more depressing than scary.

Eugene Levy might as well be wearing his Johnny Rose name tag in this skit, seeing as he plays a motel hotel clerk. I can picture Catherine O'Hara as Moira Rose in this, traveling to Sweden for this part, similar to her going to Bosnia to shoot The Crows Have Eyes III.

Alternate movie title suggestion: Whispers of Desire
 

5. Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Stewardesses

Starring Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy and the rest of the SCTV cast

Watching this now makes me realize how Eugene Levy's Bruno would make a great addition to the Rosebud Motel staff, as a snarky bellboy. Of course, ripping and tearing off the guests clothes might not bring too many repeat customers, so I doubt he would keep his job for very long. 

Catherine O'Hara as a bilingual stewardess is giving off strong Moira Rose vibes. Hearing her speak French, I'm almost expecting her to say bébé.

6. Dr. Tongue's Evil House of Wax

Starring Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy and the rest of the SCTV cast

It's as if Catherine O'Hara borrowed some of Moira's wardrobe for this skit. Am I wrong? Eugene Levy's less than dapper Bruno is a far cry from his super dapper role of Johnny Rose.

7. Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Starring Chris Elliott

Although this is actually a comedy movie, this scene is sure to horrify many viewers and will probably remind many Schitt's Creek fans of that time Roland was fondling the fondue. Nobody does cringe humour better than Chris Elliott.

8. Shark Night 3D (2011)

Starring Dustin Milligan

Here's some advice for Ted the vet, regarding this movie. You're going to need a bigger muzzle! I'll bet Ted is much happier that he went from Shark Night to Bark Night. Ha! Just a little vet humour, there. Feel free to use that pun, Dustin.
 

 

9. CyberStalker (2012)

Starring Dan Levy

You know how David Rose tries very hard not to connect with people in Schitt's Creek? Well, he does just the opposite of that in this movie.

Does anyone else think that Mischa Barton has a little bit Alexis vibe?

I've not seen this but if you want to avoid a spoiler, don't look at the credits on IMDb.
  

10. The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

Starring Steve Lund

As I mentioned before, Jake goes from Schitt's Creek to Split's Shriek. I'm sure he'd much rather be part of a throuple than be terrorized by a quartet of maniacal musical murderers.

 

11. Lake Placid Legacy (2018)

Starring Tim Rozon

The creek was too small for Mutt, so he moved to the lake. No sign of Tallahassee Tennessee. Alexis would be happy to see that Mutt's face is fully bearded in this movie. If I was Mutt, I'd be saying "see you later, alligator" and moving back home to the creek. Perhaps he will, in Schitt's Creek's final season.
 

12. The Returned (2014)

Starring Emily Hampshire

When last we saw Stevie Budd in season 5 of Schitt's Creek, she lamented that she was stuck behind a desk, watching everyone else around her live their lives. Here she steps out from behind her desk to battle virus-infested humans. Maybe this time she'll win.

 

13. Decoys (2004)

Starring Ennis Esmer

If you've ever watched this movie, then you know what the women do to men during their rendez-vous. It makes me think of Stevie doing the same thing to Emir after he dumps her at The Hospies awards.

 

14. The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018)

Featuring Rizwan Manji

Is Ray in this? Ok yes, but no. What I mean is that he is listed in the credits as Maple Leaf but you don't see him in this trailer. He's a lot like Bigfoot, in that sense. Hold on...is Maple Leaf the name of Bigfoot? Is Ray actually Bigfoot? Is this another one of his side gigs that has him dressing as sasquatch to boost tourism?

One thing is sure -- Sam Elliott's mustache rivals Eugene Levy's eyebrows.

 

15. Cube Zero (2004)

Starring Jasmin Geljo

Do you know the muffin man? I mean the one from Schitt's Creek? Yeah, Ivan, the one who has a crush on Twyla. Well, he's in this movie.
 

 

16. Goofballs (1987)

Starring John Hemphill 

I watched this movie specifically for this blog. You know how video store employees would sometimes have a small section of shelf space dedicated to the movies they recommended? Well if I worked at Rose Video, I would have a section dedicated to the movies that I would warn customers to stay away from.

This is an incredibly dull comedy. If Hemphill had even entered a scene once with an amusing little jog similar to Bob's on Schitt's Creek, it would have been a little more entertaining.

17. Sam's Lake (2006)

Starring Salvatore Antonio

Yet another actor who trades in creek life for the lake. This time it's David's evil doppelganger Antonio who goes up against something far more thorny than a Rose. It doesn't look like Wendy is around this time to help him out.

Kid's Section

 

Here are a couple of movies for the kids to watch while the adults enjoy all the horror.

18. Pepi Longsocks 

Starring Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara (along with the usual SCTV cast)

An obvious parody of the children's classic Pippi Longstocking. The intentionally bad dubbing is so on point.

 

19. Gooby (2009)

Starring Eugene Levy 

Eugene Levy plays a teacher who tries to prove that one of his young students has a living, breathing six foot-tall, talking teddy bear. Basically, it's Eugene recreating his role from Splash, only this time he's sporting a coif that makes him look like Wolverine's dad. Wolveugene?

I've watched this ridiculous movie and it has to be seen to be believed. It was even the subject for one of the episodes of How Did This Get Made.

20. Schitt's Creek Horror

Starring the cast of Schitt's Creek

The final movie on this list is a hypothetical one. What would Schitt's Creek be like if it were shot as a horror movie. Thanks to CBC, this trailer gives us a little glimpse.

This time, they really are up Schitt's Creek.